When i was in-experienced about motherhood, mothers flocked to me for advice. Should I go back to work, Is it too early? Should i stop breastfeeding, am i being selfish? My baby is too demanding, am i spoiling him/her? And the question that I absolutely loved to avoid; should we have a second kid?
Well by all means go ahead and give the world it's seventh billionth or may be the eight billionth of its member. And if he is the next Justin Bieber or she is the next Sunita WIlliams they will make you so proud and jealous of. Only if answering this question was so simple.
Worse this question tip-toes on you anytime, anywhere in between any conversation, specially, especially if you are discussing sexual fantasies. Hmm! It's not seasonal, not taboo, not sexist, not racist and neither scandalising, so its served to you on lunch table, between in-flight entertainment, during a big-fat-Indian-wedding and even baby showers.
Working women don't want a second kid until and unless they want to punish their baby's primary caretaker, their mother-in-law. The only other reason can be they love kids enough to sacrifice their professional growth twice over. I mean really love. Working men, well most of them wear the cloak of 'financial reality'. Rest keep goading the woman to have another baby so they can have a chance at reining in the wife. Only a handful of men have a mothers' heart that's really yearning for that brother/sister for their firstborn.
These mothers and fathers are like sadistic old people. They can hear, see and understand everything as per their convenience. That is what saw me through most of such conversations.
I just went with their flow or no flow. They just needed someone to listen to them and acknowledge the brilliance of their decision.
God cut short this decision from my parent life and am I glad?
Now that I am a Phd on this topic, no one seeks my advice lest I shatter their palace of convenience. Lest I tell them that two kids together are happy, playful, inquisitive, learning and a lot more relaxed. That they don't have to search company outside their homes. That they bloom in the comfort of being silly, messy, demanding, childlike together. I don't know what tomorrow has for them, but their today is happy.
So yes if your heart really wants that second child go for it.
Forget about finances (trust me god has a plan)
Manage your time the way you did for your first born ( I am sure family will still be just as supportive)
Age difference between siblings should not stop you ( 7 years difference is a common phenomena I have seen amongst my friends's children)
If your husband wants another child but is only flimsily helpful in raising the first one, talk to him directly about your concern.
However
Don't have a second child if the first one was also under societal pressure
Don't reproduce just because the first child wants company, it's not a toy remember.
Don't think of giving sibling comfort in later years just in case you are not there. They may or may not support each other tomorrow
Don't compromise on the upbringing of the first one, if you are in serious financial health.
Don't, don't, don't use your baby to infuse fresh life in your marriage.
Well by all means go ahead and give the world it's seventh billionth or may be the eight billionth of its member. And if he is the next Justin Bieber or she is the next Sunita WIlliams they will make you so proud and jealous of. Only if answering this question was so simple.
Worse this question tip-toes on you anytime, anywhere in between any conversation, specially, especially if you are discussing sexual fantasies. Hmm! It's not seasonal, not taboo, not sexist, not racist and neither scandalising, so its served to you on lunch table, between in-flight entertainment, during a big-fat-Indian-wedding and even baby showers.
Working women don't want a second kid until and unless they want to punish their baby's primary caretaker, their mother-in-law. The only other reason can be they love kids enough to sacrifice their professional growth twice over. I mean really love. Working men, well most of them wear the cloak of 'financial reality'. Rest keep goading the woman to have another baby so they can have a chance at reining in the wife. Only a handful of men have a mothers' heart that's really yearning for that brother/sister for their firstborn.
These mothers and fathers are like sadistic old people. They can hear, see and understand everything as per their convenience. That is what saw me through most of such conversations.
I just went with their flow or no flow. They just needed someone to listen to them and acknowledge the brilliance of their decision.
God cut short this decision from my parent life and am I glad?
Now that I am a Phd on this topic, no one seeks my advice lest I shatter their palace of convenience. Lest I tell them that two kids together are happy, playful, inquisitive, learning and a lot more relaxed. That they don't have to search company outside their homes. That they bloom in the comfort of being silly, messy, demanding, childlike together. I don't know what tomorrow has for them, but their today is happy.
So yes if your heart really wants that second child go for it.
Forget about finances (trust me god has a plan)
Manage your time the way you did for your first born ( I am sure family will still be just as supportive)
Age difference between siblings should not stop you ( 7 years difference is a common phenomena I have seen amongst my friends's children)
If your husband wants another child but is only flimsily helpful in raising the first one, talk to him directly about your concern.
However
Don't have a second child if the first one was also under societal pressure
Don't reproduce just because the first child wants company, it's not a toy remember.
Don't think of giving sibling comfort in later years just in case you are not there. They may or may not support each other tomorrow
Don't compromise on the upbringing of the first one, if you are in serious financial health.
Don't, don't, don't use your baby to infuse fresh life in your marriage.
